Promises, Promises! 🙄
Spontaneous 🎁 gifts are fun. That being said, gifts that take planning have even more impact – especially those that were promised, where the anticipation builds.
Elizabeth is a nurse working in a health care facility in the UK. She regularly has lunch with an elderly woman – a woman who is always afraid of parting at the end of the lunch... but a woman with dementia.
I've seen the effects of dementia, and I've witnessed how you cannot count on them to remember things you've discussed, much less to remember sacrifices you've made for them. So, I thought it cute but maybe a bit futile when Elizabeth gave the following note to that woman:
But the next day when Elizabeth went to meet her at lunch, she looked up, smiled, and said: "You remembered."
Imagine how sad that woman would have been if Elizabeth didn't show that day? It can be so easy in a busy life, with an excuse that the woman probably wouldn't remember anyway.
Promises are hard to keep! Especially when they seem small, and the time comes and you realize that you really have something else that seems more pressing. But you never know the impact – and the horrible impact if you don't deliver.
Anything you say you'll do is a debt; it is something that takes time or more from your future self. Don't make a commitment flippantly; when you make one, treat it with the utmost care. That may mean setting a reminder – though in my case it usually means setting a full-on alarm. A loud one. (I have 9 set on my phone right now.) Whatever it takes.
That is the essence of integrity.
I have some level of success in my life, including a marriage of over 30 years, a PhD, and VP positions at work. I attribute these successes to persistence & consistency... when people learn they can count on you, you gain reputation and gain in life.
Here are suggestions to help with some of the most frequent types of promises:
- Under promise, over deliver. If you think you can finish a full two pages of writing or mow two yards, simply commit to one. If you think you can finish a task in one week or your daughter wants to see a movie and you believe you can take her this week, commit to sometime in the two weeks. This still leaves open the possibility to really please them if you do even better.
- Some say you'll accomplish more by setting your sights higher, and there is truth to that. I often set my own goals higher than I know I can do, realizing that it helps me keep the ultimate aim in mind; however, when others are expecting something from me, I start by offering something more reasonable – with the hope that I will do even more and make them exceptionally happy.
- Don't make too many commitments in the same week. The exception is if they energize you... but if they take effort that will drain you somewhat, then too many will sap your energy and you won't be your best self, even if you do fulfill the letter of the commitment.
- Instead of offering an introduction to someone else, offer to keep them in mind. Realize that the "someone else" may not have time or may have other reasons not to make themselves available, so check first that the capacity (and willingness) is there.
- This is actually the reason I'm writing this blog post: a friend sent me his explanation of the Double-Opt-In Introduction (DOI-Intro), which has a lot of common-sense rules that help you make the most of this kind of favor to someone.
- Also, when someone is asking for this or any kind of favor, have them do some work for it, like writing down why they want it; this helps ensure it really is serious enough for you to make an effort. That's another part of the DOI-Intro.
There are times when you know you will have to break a commitment, and when that happens it's important to apologize as soon as possible and make a new commitment. If you're not sure, warn them ahead of time that it's in jeopardy... maybe you can still fulfill it and exceed their expectations. Just be as communicative as possible.
Don't offer too much so that you can fulfill everything you say. It doesn't matter if you've said "promise" or not... if someone heard you say that you'll do it, they're watching to see if you'll follow through. You'll be appreciated for for your consistency, and you'll magnify your successes.
Further Activities
- Practice making offers on Time Safari, starting with small ones. Consider recording something you already do, like cooking meals or transporting a friend or assisting a kid with something they're doing. As people make offers, this kind of commitment compounds: Time Safari project has a commitment of over 100 hours of help from a single individual. Consistent, intentional dedication to the people or projects you love will pay dividends.
- See more stories of promises at because I said I would, like these that I loved:
